Blog 10 June 7 2018
anew (əˈnjuː) adv
The scenario with the Cowboy was hard to watch, hard to comprehend and hard to re-live for the purpose of writing that past chapter. I feel it was such an important part of our story that needed to be shared since it affected all areas of my and Rhett’s lives from that point forward. Seeing Rhett’s reactions gave me a whole new level of respect for ‘man-made’ problems. And the realization that I didn’t have a clue how to handle/deal/manage the reactions I saw.
In the weeks following our arrival home in mid December from the clinic, I found Rhett and his personality subdued, lethargic and defeated. I was feeling overwhelmed, incompetent, unconfident, unsure of myself, unsure of my skill level, unsure of my experience. Flooding my thoughts constantly was how I would even begin with Rhett. I am now sure that he was thinking the exact same things about me! (Language Lesson)
I knew what we had to do. We had to start ‘anew’. Just like the definition, we both were going to have a different ‘jobs’ and we were both ‘living’ in a different place after a difficult period(s) in our lives.
During the Thanksgiving holiday, right before we left for the clinic, a long time friend (and an ‘amateur’ photographer) stopped by to meet Rhett just I was having some undemanding time with him.
She happened to have her camera with her and captured some beautiful, pure moments with Rhett and me. (When you watch the video, you will see that had I KNOWN she was coming, I would have dressed a little better – LOL!) (Life Lesson!)
My birthday was a week after we arrived home from the clinic and she made the below video as my birthday gift! She compiled the photos into a slideshow, picked the song after looking at what she had captured and named it ‘Unconditionally’, by Katy Perry. The lyrics are perfect for where our journey was starting. I was so touched. Thank you my friend!
We were ‘starting anew’ and we wanted to write our story ‘anew’. I realized that everyday was a chance to begin again. (Life Lesson)
I knew he/we had experienced alot of stress during the travel to and from and during the 1.5 weeks during the clinic. I am so happy to have the photos and the birthday video to remind me of where we were before we went to the Cowboy. Looking at him at home and his subdued ‘presence’, I knew we had to begin again.
Start a’fresh. Start anew.
I saw it. I saw it so clearly. This horse was in a state of vulnerability. I needed to acknowledge and honor that. Wait.…we BOTH were in a vulnerable state. We both needed acknowledging and honoring. And that was our first ‘contract’. (Language, Learning and Life Lesson)
Even with the veil of vulnerability, I could see this quiet ‘strength’ in Rhett. The strength of his mental power and mental force. His moral power of firmness and courage. He was ‘strong’ in his physical, mental and emotional presence.
It didn’t seem to be a healthy strength. Yes, that’s exactly it now that I think back about it. It wasn’t a healthy strength. He was ‘strong’ from a place of defensiveness. He had lived with so many scenarios in his short life feeling he needed to be on the defensive. Now I know that’s what I saw with the cowboy. His ‘strength’ was how he had survived and the more your ‘strength’ is worked, the stronger it becomes.
For over a month, I did lots of sitting, lots of thinking, lots of learning to ‘be’. Not asking for much of anything, just ‘being’ with the herd as much as I could. And observing. Observing. Learning to be observant. Learning to observe. (Life Lesson)